As I kid I can remember HATING when Mom or Dad would lick their thumb and rub on a spot of dirt I was sure only they could see. I can also remember them holding the kleenex in front of me and saying ‘Blow’ or watching them lift my baby brother up in the air and sniffing his bum. I also remember thinking ‘Gross! I’m never gonna do any of that when I have kids.’ Now to be fair my daughter is definately not old enough for me to have done most of these but I will admit to sniffing the butt, it’s the fastest way to tell when they’re fully dressed. So thinking bacl on my valiant parents and all the kind of gross and definately gross things they have done I decided I would write about them and the ones I imagine I will have to do myself along with the ones I’ve done already. So here’s a starter list, wanna add to it please feel free if I miss something.
The Kind of Gross and Definately Gross Things Parents Do:
1. Diaper Sniffing. When you’re out and baby is strapped into their stroller or car seat it can be such a hassle trying to dig around and look into the diaper to check if that ‘pfft’ you heard was the real deal or a warning to see if we’re on our game. So, to save time and the effort of un-doing all the clips and snaps we sniff the bum area. I have totally done this, and in public. I don’t mind but I remember think it was so nasty when my parents did it. Oh the things you do for your progeny and their bottom comfort.
2. Picking Their Nose. That’s right. You will pick your baby/child’s nose. In fact, I know someone who actually sucked out a booger with their mouth once when their child was very stuffed up. I haven’t done that but when Maddie was very sick with RSV and her nose was so congested she literally couldn’t breathe we did get one of those Hydrasense things that go in babies nose and you suck on the end of a hose. Even now that she’s better I find myself still pulling out boogers, she’s just a snotty kid I guess.
3. Wearing Vomitty clothes. Yep, as a Dad or Mom, you’ll end up sporting the latest in baby and toddler vomit as a part of your fashion statement. No matter how much you plan for it or how quick your reflexes, it won’t ever be enough, they are little Houdini’s of findinf ways to get it on you without your knowledge. And as they get a little older, yeah, they think it’s funny. That new shirt or dress you were so excited to wear? Barf! Giggle giggle giggle.
4. Poop on Your Hands. Oh yes, and sometimes it seems like it’s EVERYWHERE! There will come a day when that cute little baby you love so very much will have an exploding diaper. Poop will be all up in their business, up their back, down their legs and even all over that adorable belly button. What are you gonna do? Leaave them? Nope, and even if you stick them under a faucet first to get it off it’ll end up on you. Maybe even places other then your hands, like your cheek or arms.
5. Put a Fallen Soother in Your Mouth Straight from the Ground. Yeah, and i don’t mean your recently washed floor. Baby is crying something fierce, driving you insane and that soother you just popped in their little mouth will go flying and since humans only have 2 hands it hits the ground. By ground I mean concrete, or park grass. You don’t know what’s been there ever let alone recently and no where around you is anything to clean it with. Baby keeps crying and you know deep down it won’t stop until the soother is blocking their screams or they exhaust themselves crying. What are you going to do? I haven’t been here yet, but I know that all of my parent friends and even old employers have all done this at least once.
6. Your Meal is Their Leftovers. That’s right. The burger with toddler spit on it and the matching carrot sticks are all yours to finish. So what if you can see little finger holes in the bun and teeth marks on the carrots. At least it’s good portion control.
7. Thumb Face Wash. Says it all. I remember being so embarassed when I got one because it always seemed to be in front of people. I remember swearing I wouldn’t do it. I lied. I have and will again, but I’ll try to restain myself from spit hair gel.
8. Dirty Hand Holding. Little prince or princess has been digging in the dirt or sandbox and comes running back to you with a surprise (Hopefully not cat poop from the sand box). They’ll either want you to hold it for them or take your hand and shows you where they found it. Either way something dirty is going to end up in you hand for awhile.
I know there are many more but baby woke up and it’s time for food.