We’ve all had at least one toxic relationship. Whether it was a friend, lover or family member, it’s nearly impossible to go through life without experiencing one of these relationships at least one time, sometimes more then once. It’s a learning experience, sometimes traumatic and usually hurtful. I’ve worked very hard over the last few years to weed the people out who I knew or felt were toxic for my sense of well being, what’s toxic to me might not be to the next person. Toxicity varies person to person based on our lives and the things we go through with day to day. I like to think that where I am now is nearly 100% toxic free, although I fully admit I cannot escape all of the people I personally find toxic; in laws or co-workers and such are hard to exorcise from your life.
Some of the people who come into our live and have a toxic affect on us only manage to disrupt our sense of well being or peace; undermining our confidence and add additional dissatisfation to our lives. These are the easiest to walk away from. The most recent person who did these things to me now lives several hours away. I had been friends with them for years, over a decade, when I came to the realization that who we had become as adults were not the healtiest for eachother. I imagine I felt this way more than they did, always being pushed to the side for the boyfriend or something they considered more ‘interesting’.When I knew I was moving away I had made the decision to let the friendship slowly die over distance the way most relationships do if you don’t try to keep in touch. This worked and now when I see them I still miss the person I used to know and who they were but I’m happy for them and where they are in their life, but I don’t feel the need to know them or be involved with them.
The most toxic kind of situation is one where the other person is aiming for total distruction of your life/sanity/well being. I’ve had one of these too, awful. These sort people are stealth bombers, attacking with guns blazing out of no where and sometimes it seems like it will never end. This is closest to bullying really I guess. It can be constant, a back and forth between aggressive meanness and backhanded compliments or it can be a total bombardment of lies and poison with no thought to the consequences other then whatever their goal was. My family still calls my most recent encounter with one of these people the ‘Psycho’, they literally call her that instead of using their name sometimes. All of us know who is being referred to but like some of the wizards in Harry Potter they feel that saying Voldemort’s name is bad luck, as if we’re inviting a new situation to arise or person to come along. I won’t go into details but they were just devastating to my emotional health and it took quite some time to recover and not constantly be looking over my shoulder for the next attack.
I still have my moments of paranoia where I’m convinced something or someone will come out of left field and try to knock me down again in a similar way but for the most part I think I’ve gotten better. I know I’m better at handling these people now and am finding it much easier to spot one of these people earlier on. When I do encounter one of these toxic people or realize someone is turning into one I back away slowly like you would from a rabid dog and then figuratively run as fast as I can in the opposite direction. If the person is someone I have to socialize with I am as polite as I can be while still staying on my guard and trying to guage what I say and any possible repercussions that might arise from what I say to them.
There’s no real point to this post other then i felt like writing abot this because something i saw on TV made me think of these people and the chaos they did or almost wrought in my life. Hopefully, if any of you are dealing with someone similar you are able to extract yourself with as little damage to yourselves as possible.