Got Beef?

Got Beef? And I don’t mean the meat, I mean discord with another. I do. I’m being tormented and harassed, I feel like it’s never going to end sometimes. We all have a neighbourhood enemy; no mine isn’t the guy down the street who lets his dog crap in the yard or the old biddy who has 300 cats. Mine is a squirrel, yes a squirrel. I kid you not.

I know squirrels all sort of look alike but I KNOW it’s one squirrel, it’s the only grey one on our block. It all started the last Friday of 2011, I was very pregnant and on modified bedrest. I was tidying the apartment and in my hormonal surges finding it very warm; I opened the master bedroom window about 1 1/2 inches to let in some air, silly me apparently. We have a few windows that did not have screens when we moved in in early winter and we didn’t think it was a big deal since bugs don’t exactly abound that time of year. I was puttering around in the living room when I heard something not quite right in the bedroom; maybe it was a cat, I’m still not sure. I wondered in to see what was happening and I walked in on a fox hunt style gang up of my cats chasing a squirrel about my bed. I squealed, I admit it. There was this unknown possibly bug ridden dirty squirrel hopping about on MY STUFF! Not to mention the cats were going bonkers.

Can you imagine my half hysterical phone call to ‘C’? Can you imagine the laughter from him and his co-workers in the background? Oh yeah, that happened. I tried opening the window more to get it out, Soda almost flew. I tried bribing it with nuts, it didn’t flinch. I called animal control hoping against hope they would help. I got ‘We couldn’t be there for at least 2 hours and it’s gonna cost you $200.’ Ha! No effing way. I hd to finally corale the cats in the babies room and close the squirrel in with my stuff. I called ‘C’ and he prepped to come home. His manager laughed when he told him the BEST EXCUSE EVER for having to leave early the last work day before a long weekend. Finally in desperation I called our super.

It was a New Year’s miracle! He not only was in the area, he was next door doing some finishing touches on the apartments renovations. He came over, laughing of course, and somehow managed with a broom and gloves to get the furry little bugger out. I went on a sterilizing frenzy. I wasn’t supposed to be doing anything more strenuous then folding laundry and there I was with gloves on and bleach frantically wiping all surfaces down after shoving all the soft stuff into garbage bags to be washed.

Where is this leading? Well, this squirrel seems to have taken offence and now torments me. Anytime I take out the recylcing it knows and hides in the bin only to jump out at me arms akimbo and scare a few years off my life. It’s done this at least 4 or 5 times. I always have to check behind the curtain now when I go to open it because I’ve found it staring in at me at the moment I pull the curtain back. It’s haunting me. Don’t get me wrong normally I have no issue with squirrels or other various city wild life, but outside, NOT in my space and on my stuff. Stupid bully squirrel.


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