Little Miss is no longer a baby. She’s offically a toddler now. Its both thrilling and heartbreaking to me. So much has changed since C and I brought her home as a tiny new born who was 100% dependant on us to keep her safe, happy and whole.
The journey Little Miss and I took to get her out safely was a long and often scary road. I had contractions at 20 weeks and then a placental abruption at 26, causing a week long stay at Sunnybrook Hospital in the high risk unit until we were stablized. Once i was released i was on modified bedrest until my water broke at 36 weeks. Even my labour was unusual.
My water broke and there were no contractions for another 4 hrs, then they went from 20 minutes to 2 minutes apart in an hr. I had always told myself when I went into labour I wanted everything to quickly and would use mind over matter to ensure it happened. Didn’t work. Little Miss went into fetal distress and we ended up having an emergency C-section. It was not an easy time for our family. Even the first few weeks post birth were rough with serious medical issues.
When I look back on it all would I change anything? No, because every single one of those moments good or bad have helped shape who Little Miss is as a person and our relationship with her. I wish things had been more easy but not at the risk our family wouldn’t be where it is today.
Every new accomplishment is exciting and something we look forward to witnessing. Even the simple little things like figuring out to push a button a particular way if fascinating to me. Terrifying as well at time but fascinating too. A perfect example of this mixture or awe and fear would be the stairs. Little Miss is a stair climbing pro now and has decided this means she wants to learn how to descend them as well, not on her bum but standing like we do.
I can only imagine what the next year or 5 years or even 10 years wilk bring (probably a lot of grey hairs) but I can wait to see where it all takes us. This is the most important journey we’re taking in our lives; raising a child, and I’m so honoured and proud to have Little Miss as my daughter.
Do you remember the kids show ‘Rugrats’? There was the little girl Angelica who was usually up to no good and trying to het the other babies in trouble. My parents to this day swear the creater of the show had met me at some point and modelled Angelica after my younger self. I really was troublesome and hope very much that Little Miss isn’t like that has she gets older.
Naughty Things I Did Growing Up
1. I don’t remember this my Dad recalls in vivid detail how I was always into things and then when Cam-Bam hit about 2.5 yrs suddenly I was the good child and he was the one causing my parents grief. One day Dad told me he was walking by our bedroom and heard me talking to my brother so he stopped to listen, shocking himself. I was telling my baby brother how to pull down the curtains over the windows by jumping off the top bunk of my bunkbed but he had to wait until I wasn’t in the room so everyone knew he did it. I was that evil and only 4.5 myself. Thank goodness I grew out of it because not only was I training my brother to be bad so I could get him in trouble it was dangerous. Dad told me he came bursting into the room shouting ‘Don’t!’ and grabbing my brother off the bed.
2. I loved Barbies. Loved them. I still have all my old barbies at my Dad’s in storage hoping Little Miss will want to play when she’s older. When I was somewhere between 4 and 5 I remember a big Christmas party in the apartment complex my family lived at. there was a Sants, presents, food games and prizes for the winners. The prize for musical chairs was a Christmas Barbie and let me say I WANTED her. I wanted her so badly I tried to steal her. I was under the table cloth with my stolen booty preparing to open it and got caught. I remember jumping enough to bonk my head on the table when I was caught and the woman scolding me saying ‘Oh no honey, you have to play the games to get that,’ and then she started musical chairs and let me play. You’d think I learnt a valuable lesson or something here and you’d be wrong. I WON THE GAME AND GOT THE BARBIE. I didn’t cheat either, I was a trouble maker and a bit of a klepto but not a cheater.
3. I ran away… twice. The first time it I was about 4 or 5 again and Cam-Bam and I had decided our parents were terrible people for not giving us McDonald’s for dinner. That night so we were going to run away to McDonald’s ourselves. We lived on the 21st floor of our building, it was the middle of the night and it was the middle of winter. We somehow managed to get to the elevator and into it. We were too short to reach any of the buttons and were stuck in the elevator until it started to move down. It went all the way to the ground floor and the doors opened to let another rider on, who happened to be a neighbour on our floor. Busted and yet saved. he took us home and from that day on there was a big heavy chair blocking the door at night. The next time was from school. I was in grade 3 (do the math) and a friend from class asked if I wanted to go skating. Of course I said yes. It’s doesn’t sound like a big deal but remember this was in downtown Toronto and it also happened to be the coldest day of that winter. My friend Christine and I walked the 12 blocks to my building where I left a note for my parents and then walked back towards the lake to her apartment. I was in daycare at the time and they knew immediately something was wrong. The daycare was attached to the school and I hadn’t come in in the 10 minutes kids had as a group to walk to the area and check in. While I was warm and safe at Christines house where her sister was starting to get suspecious; my mom, the school and the police were notified I was missing. Not too long after that Christines sister realized what must have happened and knew to call my Mom. My mom was not the one to pick me up. Both parents have told me the reason my Dad came and got me was because my Mom called Dad and told me he had to do it because ‘If I go I just might kill,’ was what she told him. Obviously, I’m not dead but I did get grounded for a month from friends, tv and the phone. The only thing I got to do outside of my room was my weekend swimming lessons and soft ball (which I hated anyways so it was like a punishment as well).
There are more, probably several more but these are definitely the top 3 bad things I can remember being the biggest deals in terms of badness. Now days I am huge rule follower. I can have my moments of rebellion and I am willing to see the hundreds of shades of gray in everyday life and society. I’m always early. I never take things without paying or asking and I hate being the cause of someone’s hurts. I know most kids start to act out as their parents marriages start to implode but for myself it straightened me out I became more well behaved at home and less of a worry for my parents.. I truly hope that Little Miss is care free and curious but I really hope that the moments where I want to pull my hair out aren’t for anything as bad as these. I know when I ran away it was was for a silly childs reason and because they have no real thought to the long term results of a choice, but I can’t imagine how terrifying that would have been for my parents. The Barbie thing again wasn’t out of any real meanness but a childs innate selfishness. I saw, I liked, I wanted. Hopefully when this happens with Little Miss I’ll be able to actually teach her that we can’t always get what we want instead of her still getting it in the end with no real effort or repercussions. Even the brother incident wasn’t really maliciousness, just jealousy of the baby stealing my thunder (which I’ve still never fully forgiven lol). I wanted Cam-Bam to get into trouble so he wouldn’t be the favourite. Jealousy is natural and not something anyone can avoid forever but hopefully when it strikes as Little Miss ages she won’t go to the somewhat extreme levels I did to get some attention. There’s nothing wrong with attention as long as it’s for positive things and I hope she learns that with less error than it took me.