Tag Archive | Labour

No Longer A Baby


Little Miss is no longer a baby. She’s offically a toddler now. Its both thrilling and heartbreaking to me. So much has changed since C and I brought her home as a tiny new born who was 100% dependant on us to keep her safe, happy and whole.

The journey Little Miss and I took to get her out safely was a long and often scary road. I had contractions at 20 weeks and then a placental abruption at 26, causing a week long stay at Sunnybrook Hospital in the high risk unit until we were stablized.  Once i was released i was on modified bedrest until my water broke at 36 weeks. Even my labour was unusual.

My water broke and there were no contractions for another 4 hrs, then they went from 20 minutes to 2 minutes apart in an hr. I had always told myself when I went into labour I wanted everything to quickly and would use mind over matter to ensure it happened. Didn’t work. Little Miss went into fetal distress and we ended up having an emergency C-section. It was not an easy time for our family. Even the first few weeks post birth were rough with serious medical issues.

When I look back on it all would I change anything? No, because every single one of those moments good or bad have helped shape who Little Miss is as a person and our relationship with her. I wish things had been more easy but not at the risk our family wouldn’t be where it is today.

Every new accomplishment is exciting and something we look forward to witnessing. Even the simple little things like figuring out to push a button a particular way if fascinating to me. Terrifying as well at time but fascinating too. A perfect example of this mixture or awe and fear would be the stairs. Little Miss is a stair climbing pro now and has decided this means she wants to learn how to descend them as well, not on her bum but standing like we do.

I can only imagine what the next year or 5 years or even 10 years wilk bring (probably a lot of grey hairs) but I can wait to see where it all takes us. This is the most important journey we’re taking in our lives; raising a child, and I’m so honoured and proud to have Little Miss as my daughter.



This video is causing a bit of a controversy in Toronto at the moment because the founder Humanize Birth rights group, Kalina Christoff, says it’s inapporpriate. As some one who had a high risk pregnancy resulting in having to spend a week at Sunnybrook in their High Risk unit as well as labouring there and then having an emergency C-Section at Sunnybrook I personally am going to support it and stand up for it. I think it’s funny and silly. I dealt with the people at the hospital frequently throughout the entirety of my third trimester and they were wonderfully compassionate and caring. This video is just a project done by students at the University of Toronto and never was meant to be harmful. Having a baby is life changing and can be terrifying for some people given the circumstances, to me this video shows that the people who spend their days saving lives/bringing life into being have a sense of humour. That’s important to me because as serious a giving birth is there are moments of ridiculousness as well during the process and seeing them appreciate and acknowledge it means they are more in touch with the reality of birth than some people are.

Watch and enjoy or don’t. I enjoy and hope you do too but if not I’m sorry you disagree.

My Post Pregnancy Reflections

This Friday will be Maddie’s 4 month birthday. As it approaches I can’t help but look back on all the worries and upsets as well as happy moments we had to get here. For one so small and young she’s already had quite an adventure packed life. I also reflect on the pregnancy itself. Everyone has their favourite and least favourite things about carrying a munchkin. I figure I’ll air mine out, but I’ll try not to cheat and use the high risk factors, sticking to more common pregnancy experiences I had.

My Top Five Pregnant Experiences

1. I’m gonna cheat a little and say the moment it was over and even in my heavily drugged and groggy state hearing her cry. It was just such a feeling of relief and happiness to know she was here and from what I could hear the nurses and ‘C’ saying that she was ok. After all we’d been through to get there it was definately the best thing.

2. Finding out she was a girl finally. We wanted to know and kept asking but she was a tricky little miss. Shy and sneaky. We ended up not knowing for sure until we were 27 weeks and got a 4D scan. I can remember telling the tech I was pregnant and a bit crazy and wouldn’t leave the table if they didn’t tell me. Then to see her sleeping and fluttering about know she was a she, it was amazing.

3. How it felt to have a baby inside and moving. I never got the whole foot in the rib cage thing. I got a tiny little heart shaped bum constantly nestled in that base of my ribs so her little tush was a visable little bump on my belly. Sometimes annoying but super cute and much more preferable to feet and hands in my diaphragm. I still to this day to calm her pat her bum when she upset, a habit I developed from her love of booty popping. Of course there were the odd kicks to the vagina, but you gotta take the good with the bad movement wise.

4. My skin. I got to be one of the lucky ones who had the ‘glow’ and no acne. Even when I was at my worst and having all the complications I at least had nice skin and didn’t look like a total wreck when I was lucky enough to have someone take me out for air or to an appointment.

5. My weight gain. I know it isn’t always something women can help in either direction but I’m so glad I didn’t gain too much or not enough. Although I didn’t gain the way most do I gained a healthy amount and was lucky enough to no get it all over. I got a super high belly and a bit in my thighs and hips.

My Top Five Least Favourite Things About Pregnancy

1. The morning sickness. It was relentless. I had a 1.5 monnth reprieve from it. That was it. I was nauseous all the time even with the pills and gravol inbetween. I threw up at the least oppertune times. I remember shoving a women off the bus because she wouldn’t move fast enough and it was that or throw up all over her. I was even throwing up while in labour. Let me tell you I don’t miss it at all.

2. The stretch marks. I was doing pretty well on this front until I was put on the modified bed rest then they seemed to explode. I’m still dealing with them of course, but mostly I wouldn’t be as bothered with some weren’t so bad. A few are really big and deep. As in the hurt as they came in and still do occasionally.

3. Breast pain. This was not fun. They ached on and off through out my whole pregnancy. I never had swelling but ‘C’ couldn’t touch them, I couldn’t touch them. They just hurt.

4. Constipation and gas. Oh so unsexy. Really. You want to poop regularly? Lots of greens and fiber, but they give you more gas. It was a lose-lose it felt like at times. The constipation at least can be kept private and something you mostly can deal with at home. Not so much for gas. Try as I might it isn’t something that runs on a schedule. You’re going to be out and about and it’s going to sneak up on you and escape at some point when you do have a chance to hide. Hoepfully it isn’t as you boss is walking by behind you… Awkward!

5. Cheating a little again… The blood spotting. It was terrifying. Really if I was being honest it would probably be number one but since it was a symptom of my abruption it in itself wasn’t terrible. It kept me on my toes and worried constantly. That whole bleeding for several weeks post birth thing didnm’t faze me at all, that was normal at least.

There of course are more on both sides but these are the biggest that come to mind. Looking back on some of them I smile and others still give me the heeby jeebies or that slightly quesy feeling. But they are all a part of miracle making. Every morning I look down at the beautiful human being that’s part of me and part of her Daddy and can’t believe she’s ours, here and doing so well now. She truly is a gift.