Tag Archive | Mommy

Heart Attacks and Families

I’ve been gone for most of this year so far and finally feel settled down enough to come back. A lot has gone on. I last wrote just before Little Miss turned one and since then so much has happened.

C ended up with a terrible throat infection that was so bad he went without solids for nearly a week and just as he was on the mend Little Miss got sick as well. I ended up having to take a few days off work to look after the both of them even though on the final day I felt it might not have been necessary. It was. So very necessary.

The second weekend in February C had a minor heart attack. He’s 26. If I had been as work he would have been home alone with a sleeping one year old and unable to do anything about it. I honestly thought he was joking around when he came out of the bedroom saying his heart hurt. I remembered all those commercials about pain or numbness in your left side and asked about that. He told me it didn’t hurt but the lower half of his arm felt like pins and needles and that his chest felt heavy like someone was pushing on it on top of the heart pain. I called Ontario Telehealth not wanting to over-react and while I was on the phone with them C became clammy, went ash grey with dark sunken eyes and his limbs started to jerk and twitch lightly. They put me on with 911 and the ambulance showed up less than 10 minutes later. I had to send C off on his own while I waited for my mom to come to take care of the baby. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I had to make sure Little Miss was taken care of and he needed medical attention more than me at his side. I made sure I knew which hospital they were headed to and then set about packing a bag for the baby.

That was one of the longest and scariest feeling waits of my life and if you’ve read my older posts you know I spent my entire 3rd trimester on modified bed rest waiting for Little Miss reach term without any further complications or dangers. When I walked into C’s bed area it was heart wrenching. He was in and out of consciousness while hooked up to all sorts of machines and monitors attached all over his torso. His heart rate was still up around 160. Whenever he would wake up he would have no real clue of what was going on or where he was. When he finally started to become aware it was slow and took several times explaining before he was able to retain it all.

Since then C has been diagnosed with a heart condition that will eventually result in a need for a pacemaker and has the possibility of being hereditarily passed on to our children, they will have to be checked for it as they get older too. He also now has had to make some very drastic changes to his diet. He is no longer allowed to have caffeine, which means no more coffee or tea as well as no more chocolate. This is a man who was a 2-3 coffee a day kind of man, not an easy transition.

We also found just the day before his attack that we were pregnant. Yes, almost immediately after we had that miscarriage in December. In fact, after we had a dating scan we found out it was only weeks later that this baby was conceived. We were in shock. Funnily enough C has been more excited than I have been up until recently. I was paranoid after the miscarriage and how soon it was as well as worried about his health and then all of my (justified) fears from carrying Little Miss.

We are considered High Risk and are being monitored more closely than a standard pregnancy and as we get further into this pregnancy the monitoring will increase as well. After a woman has had a confirmed Placental Abruption once with every subsequent pregnancy the risk increases of it happening again. The doctors confirmed the miscarriage was due to this and so we’ve had two pregnancy’s where it’s occurred, one that ended in termination and the other in bed rest and early birth.

So far though everything has been very good. Last time I was sick throughout the entire pregnancy, even throwing up in labour. This time I’ve had a few rough days of nausea and a couple of barfing sessions but mostly it’s been smooth sailing. We are 16 weeks now and as we get further into it my worries have lessened, although I know that as I near the time of when everything went bad with Little Miss my anxiety will probably ramp back up into gear but for now I am enjoying everything. I even felt the baby move for the first time today at one of our check ups, apparently they don’t like having us listen to their heart beat and started bopping around to escape.

I also had a grandparent die in the midst of all of this. She had gone into the hospital in Kingston for heart surgery to remove some infected tissue and was unable to be resuscitated. It was a big jumble for awhile and we’re still dealing with the paper work her belongings. It’s going to be a bit longer until everything is settled and we can even sell her condo or decide what to do with it. The memorial and funeral were lovely, one of my step brothers created a memory DVD of photos and quotes in her honour that the funeral director offered him a part time job making them for other families. Most of the family there were in tears or had wet eyes at the end of it. It was beautiful.

There have also been many other smaller things that have kept me busy and away from the computer. I know that Little Miss is one 15 months old now but she’s hitting milestones left and right it seems. She got her first 3 molars in March all within a 2.5 week span and the 4th is just waiting to pop out. Not only can she walk now but she’s also running and trying to jump up and down. She’s also gotten very good with babies since we spend 2 days a week with Minnie who just turned 6 months and it’s about to go up to 3 days, good practice for when the new baby comes in the autumn.

I have no idea what is going to happen over the next little bit I hope to be back and more active now as things have started to finally settle down a bit here. We’re getting ready to become a 4 person family instead of 3 and get Little Miss as ready for the changes that will come with this as easily as we can for someone so young to understand. We will in the next few weeks find out if Little Miss will have a brother or a sister and although we’ll be happy either way it will be nice to know ahead of time to start buying baby necessities or saving ones we already have.

The Time I Snapped On A Strange Teenager

Seriously, I did this. I snapped on a teen on the TTC last week. In front of his friends on a very crowded bus. Loudly. I embarassed him. Some people might be feeling bad for him but I don’t and if I could do it over I wouldn’t change a thing.

I mentioned a few posts ago that I had started apart time nanny job and this situation happened on a day I was with Minnie. Since she is still being breast fed and hasn’t figured out how easy and convient a bottle is I make one trip a day with both her and Little Miss to her mothers office for a feed. It’s not that far and in nice weather we’ll walk or we sometimes take the TTC. It depends on me and how I feel as much as the weather.

This is never a spur of the moment trip. Pfft. I have to transport a 1 yr old and a four month old. I don’t just up and decide to go out. It takes timing and synchronization of getting all three of us ready to go out. It’s not a huge distance but really, this is Canada, we get cold up here. I don’t want either of them getting over heated before marching out into the Great White North’s sometimes frigid winds.

Last week wasn’t too cold. We walked to Mama Mouse’s office not too far from Eglinton Station and afterwards wondered around the area visiting Toys r Us and The cupcake Shoppe (Amazing by the way). We even went by the office a second time for a top up. 

I should also mention that to make this trip involves a stroller and a baby carrier along with a diaper bag full of two little girls necessities. I can wear either of the girls in the carrier and switch them to the stroller based on their moods and temperments. On this day Little Miss was in the stroller sleeping and Minnie was on my chest sleeping. We were at the bus station before finally getting on the bus to make the short trip home. Little did I realize the high-school only a couple of stops along the way lets out at 3. streaming onto the bus came a hoard of rude, loud and overly Axed teenage boys. One of whom kicked the stroller.

Now, I know that might not seem like anything bug and in fact could have been a mistake even though he kicked it higher up. I thought so too at first. Then he did it again, and again and then finally a forth time. That was when I snapped. In a loud and angry voice that I knew would carry over the teenage cacophony of noise I said ‘If you kick my stroller one more time I’ll kick you right back.’

He looked up at me with a deer in the head lights stare and did that mutter ‘Sorry’ we all know they don’t mean. All of his friends had stopped talking and were watching both their friend and myself with expressions of utter fascination; waiting I imagine to see what would happen next. The man sitting next to me chocked, coughed and started to laugh. An older woman across the way smiled. All of the teenagers stayed quiet from then on.

Oh, and that guy next to me? Yeah, he’s Minnie’s Dad. He’s finished work early and we happened to catch the same bus together. The rest of the trip home these boys watched me, waiting to see if I would do anything else I suppose, and when it was time for me to unload with my stroller they all were very polite and assistive. Each and every one who spoke to me called me Ma’am and nodded their heads and either moved to the side so I didn’t have to push my way off the bus or tried to help me lift it to the side walk.

Could I have done or said something less aggressive? Definintely. Would it have been as effective? Probably not. What if one of the babies legs had been hanging a little closer to the edge and he kicked on of the girls? He was not just gently nudding the stroller, but kicking it. He would have HURT  one of them. Did that thought cross his mind when he made the decision to kick the stroller? Did he mean to try and hurt either of them intentionally? I don’t believe so but that doesn’t make it ok to purposefully assault someone else’s property in public and it wouldn’t have made his behaviour any less horrible if something had happened.

I’m only 26, maybe 10-11 years older than those boys probably were and yet even at my most obnoxious as a teen I never would have done something to inconsiderate. I don’t know anyone really that I knew when I was that age who would have done something like that. I don’t know what has changed in the years since I was a teenager but it sometimes feels as if there has been a monumental shift in what is acceptable behaviour. That since there are so many more teens after school roaming around before the business day ends that other people should cow toe to them and work around them. Maybe some of you will think I was overly harsh, I don’t. I reacted in the moment and in all honesty think I did a good job of not reacting more explosively. I just hope that the next time he of any of his friends are out and about they’ll think twice about their behaviour towards others and their property and how they treat it.

No Longer A Baby

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Little Miss is no longer a baby. She’s offically a toddler now. Its both thrilling and heartbreaking to me. So much has changed since C and I brought her home as a tiny new born who was 100% dependant on us to keep her safe, happy and whole.

The journey Little Miss and I took to get her out safely was a long and often scary road. I had contractions at 20 weeks and then a placental abruption at 26, causing a week long stay at Sunnybrook Hospital in the high risk unit until we were stablized.  Once i was released i was on modified bedrest until my water broke at 36 weeks. Even my labour was unusual.

My water broke and there were no contractions for another 4 hrs, then they went from 20 minutes to 2 minutes apart in an hr. I had always told myself when I went into labour I wanted everything to quickly and would use mind over matter to ensure it happened. Didn’t work. Little Miss went into fetal distress and we ended up having an emergency C-section. It was not an easy time for our family. Even the first few weeks post birth were rough with serious medical issues.

When I look back on it all would I change anything? No, because every single one of those moments good or bad have helped shape who Little Miss is as a person and our relationship with her. I wish things had been more easy but not at the risk our family wouldn’t be where it is today.

Every new accomplishment is exciting and something we look forward to witnessing. Even the simple little things like figuring out to push a button a particular way if fascinating to me. Terrifying as well at time but fascinating too. A perfect example of this mixture or awe and fear would be the stairs. Little Miss is a stair climbing pro now and has decided this means she wants to learn how to descend them as well, not on her bum but standing like we do.

I can only imagine what the next year or 5 years or even 10 years wilk bring (probably a lot of grey hairs) but I can wait to see where it all takes us. This is the most important journey we’re taking in our lives; raising a child, and I’m so honoured and proud to have Little Miss as my daughter.

I’m Back

I’ve been MIA for the last few weeks, I know. Sorry. Things just kept popping up and as one of my last few posts mentioned C and I were hit with a family issue. I’m back now and I’ll give a bit of an update.

I last posted before Christmas and this one was a first for Little Miss. With both families scattered about Ontario we ended up doing two Christmas’ here in the GTA and have yet to do one with my Dad and Co. up in the Ottawa region. Little Miss was thrilled to bits with all of her toys and loved being able to rip and tear the wrapping paper. She had no idea what was really going on but seeing family and getting new things to goober on and play with made her very happy. C and I promised we’d do a very low key holiday together this year and not do presents… we failed.  I got a matching ring and earring set and he got a new PS3. This year maybe we’ll be able to stick to our guns better.

Usually, New years is an evening of laughter, happiness, friends and a couple drinks. This year I had to work overnight so C and I had no real plans for the evening. In the couple of hours before I had to head out our fridge died. Full on died. Our super is dealing with a terribly high risk pregnancy and all the complications that arise due to them and wasn’t able to come until the 2nd. We didn’t get a new fridge until the 4th. It wasn’t awful, we had enough in our cupboards to get by and ordered out a bit but the cost of the situation stunk. $250. Yes, $250 is the estimated value of the food that was lost due to the death of our fridge. Ay any time of year that’s a crappy number but just after Christmas? Extra crappy. We’re still slowly replacing everything.

At the same time as the fridge died C developed some very painful gums. Upon a visit to the dentist after several days with no relief we discovered her needed a round of antibiotics to clear away an infection and then 2 teeth extracted. it was supposed to be an easy extraction until a root snapped and they literally had to dig it out. Simple became VERY complicated (the dentists words). C had refused the gas and was only using the needles so he was completely aware of what was happening. He also now needed much more powerful pain meds meaning he would be unable to take care of Little Miss. Unfortunately I had to work so we had a bit of a shuffle finding ulternative options. C ended up going to his Mothers for the night where someone could look in on him and make sure he took his meds and Little Miss ended up at Bestie’s while I was at work. My work at the taxi company is only Thurs-Sat and I work evenings keeping Little Miss out of daycare. This meant I wasn’t done until 2am. Luckily Bestie is only 20 mins away from my work so afterwards I went to her house and Little Miss and I had our first full non family overnighter. Little Miss did fantastically. She was very well behaved and loved spending all that time with Jay playing and perfecting her walking/running.

Since my last post I’ve also started a new job. I’m no longer a former nanny anymore. I’m back to being a nanny. At the moment it’s only part time since Minnie Mouse (Babie’s code name on here) is not yet 4 months old. Eventually it will all go full time as Mama D transititons back to full time work but for now we’re taking it easy. One of the happy benefits of this situation is the Little Miss gets to come along with me, meaning we still don’t need to worry about childcare for her yet. It also give Minnie someone to watch and see who’se similar in age which has been proven to help encourage littles to move forward in their milestone achievements. Little Miss also LOVES other babies and children. So far all of their encounters involve Little Miss petting her and trying to give Minnie toys or share her soother. It’s handy for both Little Miss and Minnie being together. Being in a house with 3 different full flights of stairs is a new developement for us as well. Little Miss is now a champion stair climber. It’s quite scary really since it keeps me on my toes ready to catch her and chase her down but I’m so impressed with how far she’s come.

This week Little Miss turns 1. It’s almost been a full year since that beautiful ball of smiles and energy burst into our lives in a such a dramatic way and I wouldn’t change a second of any of it. Every moment leading up to her birth and since are part of what makes our family so strong and compelete. We had her first party to celebrate this first year yesterday, yes it was party number 1 of 2. This one was for Little Miss to get together with all of her little friends and cause chaos in a safe enviornment. This coming weekend will be her family party where both families get together to celebrate. I forgot how busy a childs birthday party can be. Every single little girl was into anything and everything they could get their hands on. It was crazy and wonderful.

Now that I’m back up and things are less hectic around here I’ll be back to my at least once a week posting. Sorry I’ve been gone so long and a belated Happy New Years!

A Long And Rough Week

The past few days have been very busy as well as pretty awful for me. I started working again after a year off for maternity leave and sick leave due to complications with the pregnancy. I won’t lie and say I love my job (it would be a lie) but I do like the people I see and talk to as well as the constant challenge of it, but it’s still rough to go from being at home or out and about with Little Miss to having to work and be away from her.

Just as I was getting adjusted to this new schedule I started to feel off. I got a migraine for the first time since I was pregnant and then this past Sunday evening I started to cramp and spot. By Monday morning the cramping was so intense I would fall to the floor in the midst of a cramp, the spotting became very heavy bleeding and I couldn’t keep anything down. This was the start of three days in and out of the hospital or doctors offices for a miscarriage.

No, we didn’t know we were pregnant. It wasn’t planned and at the moment I have to say I’m glad we didn’t know. It was hard enough to have to go through the miscarriage when I didn’t know and deal with all the side effects and unexpected emotions. I couldn’t imagine how much harder it would have been had I known. We weren’t trying but if I had known I would have been thrilled, excited and expectant like most women are only to be devastated when things went wrong.

The miscarriage is in the end stages now and you’d all of that is busy enough but Saturday morning C woke me up because our roof is now leaking into the living room light fixture and its expected to rain most of the rest of the weekend. Yay! (That’s a very sarcastic yay in case you wondered). A crew won’t be able to come until Monday (maybe) to deal with the problem. At this rate I’m worried what the coming week holds for my family and I.

On a positive note though Little Miss now is walking and has been for about 2 weeks. She doesn’t walk all the time but can putter most of the way across the living room or wherever she happens to be completely unassisted including not using the furniture for support.

Naughty Things I Did Growing Up And Hope To Never Experience

Do you remember the kids show ‘Rugrats’? There was the little girl Angelica who was usually up to no good and trying to het the other babies in trouble. My parents to this day swear the creater of the show had met me at some point and modelled Angelica after my younger self. I really was troublesome and hope very much that Little Miss isn’t like that has she gets older.

Naughty Things I Did Growing Up

1. I don’t remember this my Dad recalls in vivid detail how I was always into things and then when Cam-Bam hit about 2.5 yrs suddenly I was the good child and he was the one causing my parents grief. One day Dad told me he was walking by our bedroom and heard me talking to my brother so he stopped to listen, shocking himself. I was telling my baby brother how to pull down the curtains over the windows by jumping off the top bunk of my bunkbed but he had to wait until I wasn’t in the room so everyone knew he did it. I was that evil and only 4.5 myself. Thank goodness I grew out of it because not only was I training my brother to be bad so I could get him in trouble it was dangerous. Dad told me he came bursting into the room shouting ‘Don’t!’ and grabbing my brother off the bed.

2. I loved Barbies. Loved them. I still have all my old barbies at my Dad’s in storage hoping Little Miss will want to play when she’s older. When I was somewhere between 4 and 5 I remember a big Christmas party in the apartment complex my family lived at. there was a Sants, presents, food games and prizes for the winners. The prize for musical chairs was a Christmas Barbie and let me say I WANTED her. I wanted her so badly I tried to steal her. I was under the table cloth with my stolen booty preparing to open it and got caught. I remember jumping enough to bonk my head on the table when I was caught and the woman scolding me saying ‘Oh no honey, you have to play the games to get that,’ and then she started musical chairs and let me play. You’d think I learnt a valuable lesson or something here and you’d be wrong. I WON THE GAME AND GOT THE BARBIE. I didn’t cheat either, I was a trouble maker and a bit of a klepto but not a cheater.

3. I ran away… twice. The first time it I was about 4 or 5 again and Cam-Bam and I had decided our parents were terrible people for not giving us McDonald’s for dinner. That night so we were going to run away to McDonald’s ourselves. We lived on the 21st floor of our building, it was the middle of the night and it was the middle of winter. We somehow managed to get to the elevator and into it. We were too short to reach any of the buttons and were stuck in the elevator until it started to move down. It went all the way to the ground floor and the doors opened to let another rider on, who happened to be a neighbour on our floor. Busted and yet saved. he took us home and from that day on there was a big heavy chair blocking the door at night. The next time was from school. I was in grade 3 (do the math) and a friend from class asked if I wanted to go skating. Of course I said yes. It’s doesn’t sound like a big deal but remember this was in downtown Toronto and it also happened to be the coldest day of that winter. My friend Christine and I walked the 12 blocks to my building where I left a note for my parents and then walked back towards the lake to her apartment. I was in daycare at the time and they knew immediately something was wrong. The daycare was attached to the school and I hadn’t come in in the 10 minutes kids had as a group to walk to the area and check in. While I was warm and safe at Christines house where her sister was starting to get suspecious; my mom, the school and the police were notified I was missing. Not too long after that Christines sister realized what must have happened and knew to call my Mom. My mom was not the one to pick me up. Both parents have told me the reason my Dad came and got me was because my Mom called Dad and told me he had to do it because ‘If I go I just might kill,’ was what she told him. Obviously, I’m not dead but I did get grounded for a month from friends, tv and the phone. The only thing I got to do outside of my room was my weekend swimming lessons and soft ball (which I hated anyways so it was like a punishment as well).

There are more, probably several more but these are definitely the top 3 bad things I can remember being the biggest deals in terms of badness. Now days I am huge rule follower. I can have my moments of rebellion and I am willing to see the hundreds of shades of gray in everyday life and society. I’m always early. I never take things without paying or asking and I hate being the cause of someone’s hurts. I know most kids start to act out as their parents marriages start to implode but for myself it straightened me out I became more well behaved at home and less of a worry for my parents..  I truly hope that Little Miss is care free and curious but I really hope that the moments where I want to pull my hair out aren’t for anything as bad as these. I know when I ran away it was was for a silly childs reason and because they have no real thought to the long term results of a choice, but I can’t imagine how terrifying that would have been for my parents. The Barbie thing again wasn’t out of any real meanness but a childs innate selfishness. I saw, I liked, I wanted. Hopefully when this happens with Little Miss I’ll be able to actually teach her that we can’t always get what we want instead of her still getting it in the end with no real effort or repercussions. Even the brother incident wasn’t really maliciousness, just jealousy of the baby stealing my thunder (which I’ve still never fully forgiven lol). I wanted Cam-Bam to get into trouble so he wouldn’t be the favourite. Jealousy is natural and not something anyone can avoid forever but hopefully when it strikes as Little Miss ages she won’t go to the somewhat extreme levels I did to get some attention. There’s nothing wrong with attention as long as it’s for positive things and I hope she learns that with less error than it took me.

Meet Lloyd

This is Lloyd. Lloyd is Little Miss’s favourite thing. He is her security blanky of sorts I guess you could say. Lloyd goes everywhere with us.
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How did Lloyd get his name? Oddly enough his name comes from Coronation Street. Yes, Coronation Street. C’s family hail from England on one side and he is First Gen Canadian. Most of his family excluding his grandmother have no accent from their time in England but a large portion of them watch Coronation Street and at least 50% of the time at famiyl get togethers the show and its currant story lines will be talked about. C even records all of the previous weeks episodes so he can blow through them at his leisure throughout the week.

Up until this summer Coronation Street would air here in Canada behind England. When we first moved in together it was about a 9-10 month delay in when it aired there vs. here. Whenever C would annoy me or we were bickering I would go online and find out the story lines coming up and tell them to him before he saw them just to annoy him. Petty(ish) and silly I know but hey it’s better than fights, smacks or various other means that people use to bother one another. One day I decided that since Canadian networks were catching up story line wise to the UK telling C them ahead of time wasn’t enough and I started naming Little Miss’s teddies after characters from the show.

There are 6 of Lloyd. 6, that’s right. The original came in a 3 pack and Little Miss loves them so much we got an extra 3 just in case. I highly recommend picking up extras of a babies favourite teddy/blanky for so many reasons. I never have to go looking for Lloyd. There’s one in the babies bed, one in our bed and one in the stroller at the moment and well as one she’s hidden in a hidey hole not yet discovered by us, one in the dirty laundry due to baby barf and a clean one on her dresser. When we go out one goes with us and because we have so many extras if we ever were to lose one luckily there’s a replacement waiting at home. I know it seems crazy and possibly expensive but for us it all worked out. The original 3 pack was a gift and even then only about $30 and the replacements since they are last years model were on clearance. We ended up getting them for about $7 each after you add both costs together and divided by 6.  I know we can’t choose which bears or blankets become babies favourite but if you can see a preferance early on stock up!


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