Tag Archive | pregnant

My First Pregnancy Craving

I’ve finally had my first pregnancy craving. I don’t mean this pregnancy either, I mean ever. When I was pregnant with Little Miss I had no cravings and uo until this week I’d had none this time around as well. That’s all changed.

On Tuesday Little Miss and I were visiting Bestie for the day when we all crawled into her bed for a group nap. Normally Little Miss would borrow Jays crib but last month she was moved to a big girl bed so Missy came with us. Both Bestie and Little Miss were out and I’d just fallen asleep when I had my craving epiphany. It came to me fully formed, the craving and the way to execute its creation. I wanted French Toast S’mores.

What is a french toast s’more you’re wondering? Let me show you.


This was what I was craving. This is how I did it.

1. Take 2 slices of bread and smear Nutella on the up facing sid of each.

2. Take 3 large marshmallows and slice them into 3 slices.

3. Place the marshmallow on one slice of Nutella bread and close the other slice over it forming a sandwich.


4. In a flat bottomed bowl combine 1 egg, 1/2 tsp vanilla and 1 1/2 tbs milk.

5. Place the sandwich in the egg mixture for 10 seconds and flip for a total of each slice resting in the mixture twice.

6. Place in buttered pan on low/medium until golden brown and the marshmallow is melted.


I ate this without any syrup or toppings and have to say it was very tasty. I plan on having it again but have decided to limit myself to no more than one a week.

Heart Attacks and Families

I’ve been gone for most of this year so far and finally feel settled down enough to come back. A lot has gone on. I last wrote just before Little Miss turned one and since then so much has happened.

C ended up with a terrible throat infection that was so bad he went without solids for nearly a week and just as he was on the mend Little Miss got sick as well. I ended up having to take a few days off work to look after the both of them even though on the final day I felt it might not have been necessary. It was. So very necessary.

The second weekend in February C had a minor heart attack. He’s 26. If I had been as work he would have been home alone with a sleeping one year old and unable to do anything about it. I honestly thought he was joking around when he came out of the bedroom saying his heart hurt. I remembered all those commercials about pain or numbness in your left side and asked about that. He told me it didn’t hurt but the lower half of his arm felt like pins and needles and that his chest felt heavy like someone was pushing on it on top of the heart pain. I called Ontario Telehealth not wanting to over-react and while I was on the phone with them C became clammy, went ash grey with dark sunken eyes and his limbs started to jerk and twitch lightly. They put me on with 911 and the ambulance showed up less than 10 minutes later. I had to send C off on his own while I waited for my mom to come to take care of the baby. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I had to make sure Little Miss was taken care of and he needed medical attention more than me at his side. I made sure I knew which hospital they were headed to and then set about packing a bag for the baby.

That was one of the longest and scariest feeling waits of my life and if you’ve read my older posts you know I spent my entire 3rd trimester on modified bed rest waiting for Little Miss reach term without any further complications or dangers. When I walked into C’s bed area it was heart wrenching. He was in and out of consciousness while hooked up to all sorts of machines and monitors attached all over his torso. His heart rate was still up around 160. Whenever he would wake up he would have no real clue of what was going on or where he was. When he finally started to become aware it was slow and took several times explaining before he was able to retain it all.

Since then C has been diagnosed with a heart condition that will eventually result in a need for a pacemaker and has the possibility of being hereditarily passed on to our children, they will have to be checked for it as they get older too. He also now has had to make some very drastic changes to his diet. He is no longer allowed to have caffeine, which means no more coffee or tea as well as no more chocolate. This is a man who was a 2-3 coffee a day kind of man, not an easy transition.

We also found just the day before his attack that we were pregnant. Yes, almost immediately after we had that miscarriage in December. In fact, after we had a dating scan we found out it was only weeks later that this baby was conceived. We were in shock. Funnily enough C has been more excited than I have been up until recently. I was paranoid after the miscarriage and how soon it was as well as worried about his health and then all of my (justified) fears from carrying Little Miss.

We are considered High Risk and are being monitored more closely than a standard pregnancy and as we get further into this pregnancy the monitoring will increase as well. After a woman has had a confirmed Placental Abruption once with every subsequent pregnancy the risk increases of it happening again. The doctors confirmed the miscarriage was due to this and so we’ve had two pregnancy’s where it’s occurred, one that ended in termination and the other in bed rest and early birth.

So far though everything has been very good. Last time I was sick throughout the entire pregnancy, even throwing up in labour. This time I’ve had a few rough days of nausea and a couple of barfing sessions but mostly it’s been smooth sailing. We are 16 weeks now and as we get further into it my worries have lessened, although I know that as I near the time of when everything went bad with Little Miss my anxiety will probably ramp back up into gear but for now I am enjoying everything. I even felt the baby move for the first time today at one of our check ups, apparently they don’t like having us listen to their heart beat and started bopping around to escape.

I also had a grandparent die in the midst of all of this. She had gone into the hospital in Kingston for heart surgery to remove some infected tissue and was unable to be resuscitated. It was a big jumble for awhile and we’re still dealing with the paper work her belongings. It’s going to be a bit longer until everything is settled and we can even sell her condo or decide what to do with it. The memorial and funeral were lovely, one of my step brothers created a memory DVD of photos and quotes in her honour that the funeral director offered him a part time job making them for other families. Most of the family there were in tears or had wet eyes at the end of it. It was beautiful.

There have also been many other smaller things that have kept me busy and away from the computer. I know that Little Miss is one 15 months old now but she’s hitting milestones left and right it seems. She got her first 3 molars in March all within a 2.5 week span and the 4th is just waiting to pop out. Not only can she walk now but she’s also running and trying to jump up and down. She’s also gotten very good with babies since we spend 2 days a week with Minnie who just turned 6 months and it’s about to go up to 3 days, good practice for when the new baby comes in the autumn.

I have no idea what is going to happen over the next little bit I hope to be back and more active now as things have started to finally settle down a bit here. We’re getting ready to become a 4 person family instead of 3 and get Little Miss as ready for the changes that will come with this as easily as we can for someone so young to understand. We will in the next few weeks find out if Little Miss will have a brother or a sister and although we’ll be happy either way it will be nice to know ahead of time to start buying baby necessities or saving ones we already have.

Belly Painting

I was going through pictures from my pregnancy and since Little Miss was born to get some printed up for her baby memory book and came across some of the belly paintings we did before our bed rest. Anyone who is pregnant and looking for something fun to do should consider trying it out. You can google it and there are tons of pictures of people who’ve done it. Hilary Duff even did a few this past Christmas while she was pregnant.

We did our paintings at 27 weeks, a week before the abruption put everything on stand by. It was a great fun experience. I know there are people whom you can pay to do the paintings for you but I simply went over to a girlfriends and we started playing with ideas and paints. During the painting Little MIss would follow the brush wherever it happened to be on my tummy. The paint was cold and the rhythmic back and forth of the brush were soothing to her I think, like when you rub your belly.

I wish we’d had a chance to do all of the ideas for my tummy we’d planned on such as a present at Christmas time or a big disco ball at New Year’s but the few we did get to do were pretty good for all they were fairly simple. here are a few…

Got Beef?

Got Beef? And I don’t mean the meat, I mean discord with another. I do. I’m being tormented and harassed, I feel like it’s never going to end sometimes. We all have a neighbourhood enemy; no mine isn’t the guy down the street who lets his dog crap in the yard or the old biddy who has 300 cats. Mine is a squirrel, yes a squirrel. I kid you not.

I know squirrels all sort of look alike but I KNOW it’s one squirrel, it’s the only grey one on our block. It all started the last Friday of 2011, I was very pregnant and on modified bedrest. I was tidying the apartment and in my hormonal surges finding it very warm; I opened the master bedroom window about 1 1/2 inches to let in some air, silly me apparently. We have a few windows that did not have screens when we moved in in early winter and we didn’t think it was a big deal since bugs don’t exactly abound that time of year. I was puttering around in the living room when I heard something not quite right in the bedroom; maybe it was a cat, I’m still not sure. I wondered in to see what was happening and I walked in on a fox hunt style gang up of my cats chasing a squirrel about my bed. I squealed, I admit it. There was this unknown possibly bug ridden dirty squirrel hopping about on MY STUFF! Not to mention the cats were going bonkers.

Can you imagine my half hysterical phone call to ‘C’? Can you imagine the laughter from him and his co-workers in the background? Oh yeah, that happened. I tried opening the window more to get it out, Soda almost flew. I tried bribing it with nuts, it didn’t flinch. I called animal control hoping against hope they would help. I got ‘We couldn’t be there for at least 2 hours and it’s gonna cost you $200.’ Ha! No effing way. I hd to finally corale the cats in the babies room and close the squirrel in with my stuff. I called ‘C’ and he prepped to come home. His manager laughed when he told him the BEST EXCUSE EVER for having to leave early the last work day before a long weekend. Finally in desperation I called our super.

It was a New Year’s miracle! He not only was in the area, he was next door doing some finishing touches on the apartments renovations. He came over, laughing of course, and somehow managed with a broom and gloves to get the furry little bugger out. I went on a sterilizing frenzy. I wasn’t supposed to be doing anything more strenuous then folding laundry and there I was with gloves on and bleach frantically wiping all surfaces down after shoving all the soft stuff into garbage bags to be washed.

Where is this leading? Well, this squirrel seems to have taken offence and now torments me. Anytime I take out the recylcing it knows and hides in the bin only to jump out at me arms akimbo and scare a few years off my life. It’s done this at least 4 or 5 times. I always have to check behind the curtain now when I go to open it because I’ve found it staring in at me at the moment I pull the curtain back. It’s haunting me. Don’t get me wrong normally I have no issue with squirrels or other various city wild life, but outside, NOT in my space and on my stuff. Stupid bully squirrel.


We have PVR, since with a baby watching your favourite TV show at its regular air time isn’t always an option. We didn’t get around to watching this past weeks episode of Grey’s Anatomy until Friday and I’ve needed until now to be able to process it and what I wanted to write.

So the episode was Titled ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ and in the show one of the interns had to let her preemie baby pass due to complications of the premature birth. Sad for almost anyone to watch, especially someone with a baby or who had recently suffered the same thing. I’m lucky to say I didn’t have to go through that but I have been watching one of my best friends deal with this.

Literally the day I was at Sick Kids in March with Maddie my friend, ‘S’, was at Sunnybrooke giving birth to her preemie. This was ironically the same day that on ‘Grey’s’ the intern gave birth early. Similar right? Wait, there are more co-relations than that. My friend was 8 hrs shy of 23 weeks, the intern was just 23. Early labour due to mothers undiagnosed condition? That too, although different conditions. Both also had little boys.

In the show the baby had many complications and went through several surgeries before finally having to be taken off life support last week, by the time he’d passed in the show around 5-8 weeks had gone by, although you’re never really sure with that show. It was terrible watching the intern, Morgan, have to hold her baby while he slowly stopped fighting to breathe. I bawled and finally had to skip over it, I couldn’t watch that knowing that ‘S’ had to do the same thing only 6 weeks previously.

It all started on a Sunday night when she sent me a text asking what I thought about her ‘plug’ coming out. I wasn’t too worried but since I’d gone through it and ended up on modified bed rest I made her call the hospitals 24 hr line to talk to the OB on-call. They said to not worry, keep an eye on it and come in ASAP if there was any bleeding but since she was coming in on Thursday to just take it easy until then. Over the next bit she kept me updated, until Tuesday night she told me she didn’t feel right but when I suggested she go into Triage she decided not to since the Dr said it wasn’t an emergency.

Then, while at work on the Wednesday, like me she started to bleed. She got up and went to the Maternity Triage immediately. At this point she was 22 weeks 5 1/2 days. When the nurse came in to check on her at one point she asked point blank if it was possible she was having an abruption since she was having the same symptoms I’d had only a few months before. The nurse told her ‘No’ because if it were she would be in much more pain. No doctor had seen her yet and wouldn’t for at least another 2 hours, by then she’d started having contractions and dilating. They admitted her and told her she wasn’t even allowed to stand up because her sack had started to decend through the cervix and they hoped to stop the contractions.

Finally, Thursday morning the Doctors told her she was going to have to deliver but since the baby was on the Edge of Viability he would not survive and there was no real hope, but if she wanted they might try to save him. How devastating, right? They had her fully convinced that her baby would be either still born, due to her heavy bleeding or would die shortly after and that if she told them to try it would be basically useless. I remember her texting me and telling me before they started her on pushing how sad she was and in shock. She wasn’t fully aware anymore, she’d retreated in on herself.

Before I continue let me explain what the Edge of Viability is… It’s the line that Doctors have drawn on when they’ll intervene essentially on premature births. In Canada it’s usually 23 weeks and up or 500+ grams. The doctors will fudge on this sometimes but only at the extreme insistence of the parents barring that the mother is at a hospital with a NICU with extreme preemie capabilities. Sunnybrooke has them. Now this line isn’t the same for every country, it shifts and even then can be pushed to the side. There is right now in Miami a little girl who in 2006 was born at 19 1/2 weeks and from all accounts is actually quite normal developmentally. She’s the youngest surviving preemie in the world. The lightest weighing one was a twin and was 244 grams, both she and her sister are alive now. So, we know that babies under both of Canada’s standard have lived. Yes, there are risks as with anything and the statistics aren’t the best but it’s possible.

Thursday in the late afternoon ‘S’ gave birth to her son at 22 weeks 6 days and 16 hours… so close. He weighed in at 484 grams… Again, so close. The doctors and nurses clipped his cord, put a hat and booties on him wrapped him up and gave him to her so she could be with him while he passed. It took 12 minutes. 12 minutes where the doctors hadn’t given him anything for the pain to make it easier. It might not seem long but imagine fighting to breathe for that lenth of time and then tell me that isn’t too long. That’s a fifth of an hour. That’s longer then even the medical staff thought he’d survive, they’d figured a moment or two.

I cannot say what Sunnybrooke’s practice is on preemie deaths but I know that at Sick Kids when a preemie cannot survive they give the baby a pain medication to stop any pain and put them to sleep so that their passing is easier for both the child and parent. My friends baby got nothing.

The reason the doctors thought he would only live for a moment or two is because when a baby is born premature their lungs are not ready to breathe. A babies lungs are underdeveloped and brittle until about the 8th month, so a premature baby is given surfactan, a liduid medication that help the babie’s lung mature faster and soften to ease the assisted breathing. He managed to go 12 minutes without it, how long he could have survived with it and a ventilator and all the other care a preemie receives we’ll never know.

My friend had her own complications, she wouldn’t stop bleeding and had to while holding her son be treated and the doctors help keep her from bleeding out or anyother risks she faced due to what ended up being anbruption, as she’d feared. Hers was in the most extreme tyre of which 24% are, and yet she’d been told she couldn’t be having one. On top of the abruption she had the early signs of Gestational Diabetes, for which she’d been tested already and told was negative and a clotting problem. At her 6 week postpartum check up they told her all this and that any future pregnancy would be considered ‘high-risk’ and she would have to be monitored closely.

It’s been almost 7 weeks now and since then my friend has been on an uphill battle to right her life, which was completely flipped upside down. She’s blamed herself, the doctors, God. She’s over the blaming and knows that things happen we cannot control, but she’s still devastated emotionally and trying to figure out how to move forward now without the little boy she’d been preparing to bring home in July.

I know TV is not real and some shows are more fanciful than others, but in that moment when I was watching Morgan lose her son, I believe they got it exactly right. I can’t imagine what people who have to face that reality are going through, but having watched ‘S’ I can say I know that it must be absolutely heart-wrenching and something that you never fully get over. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, ever.

Been a bit while still getting used to having to remember to write

So it’s been over a week since my last post but mostly because I’m not used to having to remember to write. Part of why I never excelled at keep a journal. LoL. My attention spam can be fairly short and scattered at times.

Yay news: This week we are 38 weeks along and the Doctors have said if the princess wants to come along its all good. She’ll still be a bit on the smaller side due to the growth issues from Christmas but otherwise should be healthy.

Boo news: I think that since we tried to keep her in for so long after all the complications that now she’ll be a stubborn little monkey and hold on tight, making us all wait at least a week past her due date. (She’s high maintanance already)

Yay news: After WEEKS of waiting for my sick leave and Mat to kick in it finally did. That was frustrating let me tell you. Especially at holiday time and with a baby on the way.

Boo news: ‘C’ just got told today he’s been put on night shifts for the next 2 months… Just before we are due. he is not impressed, but we understand it’s because he is the only one with the experience and reliability for the job requirements. Will just make go time and the first bit once we’re home interesting I Guess.

Yay news: I’m no longer on bed rest since we’ve gotten to ‘term’, so I can finally finish prepping her room and getting things ready. Also means that I could finally pack a baby bag for the hospital since we know she isn’t going to be a premie now. I’ve been going batty not being able to do all the classic ‘nesting’ and whatnot that helps women feel more in control of the whole she-bang.

I can also go out again without an escort but still feel better when not alone, but means I get to go pick out our groceries again. I love ‘C’, but he’s such a caveman food wise at times. Since grocery shopping has always been my favourite type of shopping it’s very exciting to be able to go again and spend an hour or so puttering about the store making selections again. I’ve missed my salads and veggies (‘C’ isn’t a huge vegetable fan and ‘forgets’ to get all of them when I send him out) as well as just munching on an apple for something.

I’ve been very good all pregnancy about not just randomly shoving anything and everything into my mouth when hungry or craving… partly at first due to the morning sickness. No point in eating a steak if it won’t stay down right? I luckily also happened to seem to crave/just need lots of fruits and veggies. I always have liked them and tried to eat a decent mixture of them, but every now and then I just want chocolate or something sweet. Last week it was Dairy Queen, which I havent has since before I found out we were expecting. So I gave in and let me say I’m so glad I did and I feel guilt free.

Guilt free since of the 3 groups ahead of me 2 were pregnant women and the couple right in frontof me it turns out had just had a premie 4 weeks earlier and were just grabbing a treat before heading back to the hospital to see their son. We ended up having conversation about their situation, which was literally the same as mine but more severe. Her abruption got so serious they had to take the baby out at 29 weeks, which was when I spent a week in the hospital. Since they knew I’d gone through a similar issue we talked for a bit and since I knew all the risks of complications of birth at the gestation we discussed it a little. They’re so lucky, the Doctors have told them their son is doing the absolute best a premie can at the age, no complications beyond the usual minor ones as opposed to any of the possible casastrophic ones that could have arisen. Made me so  glad for them to know how well it was going all things considered after some friends had recently just experienced the worst thing a new parent can when a baby arrives early.

Time to pee, yes that’s TMI but I’m very pregnant, you gotta expect it. LoL


My first Post

So a little background… I’m 36 weeks pregnant with my first child, a little girl. This was a total surprise as we weren’t trying to get pregnant, but here we are. And hey, it could be worse, we’ve been together over 4 years and living together nearly as long. This surprise just came a bit ahead of plan. We’re excited but at the same time incredibly stressed as well. This hasn’t been a walk in the park.

Finding out we were expecting was interesting. We were on the pill and had never had any scares, so when my period was late it wasn’t overly concerning since I had never been fully predictable even on the pill. Finally 5 days later my best friend talked me into taking a test. Since I didn’t really believe anything would come of it I pulled a cheapy and spent a whopping $2.50 at Dollarama on 2 tests. Yes, Dollarama and made my way to her place to take the first test. Those suckers are accurate! It changed to positive immediately. Since she’d just had a baby in March of course once it sank in we did the girly squealing and the ‘OMG what if they are besties like us or get married’ crazy imaginings that girls all secetly harbour. After an hour or so I made the trip home to tell the Mister, who we’ll call ‘C’.

When I got home I didn’t really have a plan on how I was going to tell him, it just came down to doing it in the least dramatic way I could think of ( I’m a teeny tiny bit of an over-dramatic). So I decided to play it normal. Our usual habit is when the last person gets home we go into the bedroom and lie down to re-hash our days together. Just a way we stay connected in this crazy busy world. So we’re on the bed and it just popped out. C’s reply?

‘How did this happen?!’

‘Do you really need a crash course in sex-ed?’ I asked since I was just as flabbergasted that it had happened.

Once he’d gotten over the shock I got the usual ‘Are you sure’ that most guys give us. So we went and did the second test I’d bought. LoL, looking back I think it’s pretty funny that even after we took the test ‘C’ said he couldn’t believe it since it was a dollar store test, so out he went to SDM (Shoppers Drug Mart) to buy a Clearblue one. He bought one that tells you how far along you are roughly. 5 Weeks.

5 Weeks and we hadn’t known. I’m not a party girl or anything close but I’d had friends down and had definitey gone out drinking a few nights whil they visited. This was all I could think about as well as the fact that I take daily medication for a back problem. Scary scary thoughts.

Ironically, I had my yearly physical booked for a few days later, so luckily I was able to see my family Dr quickly. I made my mom come with me to tell her since I’m a chicken and she’s been my Dr since I was a bump in my mom’s belly. She knows EVERYTHING about me and likes to shake her finger at me. We got everything figured out, like my meds and how we were going to proceed. I was officially walking arounf with a bun in the oven.

We kept our news quiet as possible but it wasn’t the easiest thing to do since I got hit with some fairly strong morning sickness that I still get occasionally. So, my work figured it out fairly early on. Other than the morning sickness I had a great early pregnancy, I’m one of the few lucky women with back problems whose pain actually gets better while pregnant due to all the hormones. Then things started to get wonky around 20 weeks. I ended up falling and having a back spasm, which in turn caused some contractions. Luckily the doctors managed to stop them. Then we found out at the anatomy ultrasound the baby had a tiny whole in one ventricle that had to be watched. We also didn’t know what she was because she kept hiding her bits.

Finally we got the good news that the hole seemed to have closed itself up and things were back on track, but still no sex so we booked and appointment for a 3D scan. First off, it was amazing! They were great and we could have a live feed set up for family so they could watch it while we went and see and hear what we did. I remember going in and telling them I wouldn’t leave if they didn’t tell if the baby was a boy or girl. Not only did we FINALLY know it was a girl we got to see what she looked like. Her eyes, her nose her little hands, everything. I highly recommend them, even if it is out of pocket. We and our families were so excited.

This excitement lasted a whole 2.5 weeks and then whiile at work one day I started to bleed and get stabbing pains. I called the Dr anf was told to go to my delivery hospital immediately. My hospital does 25% of all high risk deliveries in Canada, so it’s a good place to be if you’re early and something goes wrong, which obviously something had. They let me go home since the bleeding seemed to have stopped but I had an ultrasound thast found a bleed under the placenta. The doctors decided it was a subchorionic lake and that I couldn’t work for week and go back for another scan in a week and they’d see how things were then.

A week later I go back. I’d started bleeding again the night before, when the doctor heard this he sent me up to the neonatal triage. Poor ‘C’, he gets the first text saying ‘Babe, they sent me up to triage to get checked again’. He says he’s on his way. Before he can get there I send him another one saying something like ‘Oh, now its an overnight.’ Poor guy, he walks into my room and the doctors tell us it’s going to be until Monday at the soonest before I can go home, it was Friday.  I ended up in the High Rick Unti for 6 days, got the steriods and was diasnosed with a placenta abruption, which means a part of the placenta was tearing away from the uterus wall.

Upon being released to go home I was put on modified bed rest and given a list of things I was allowed to do instead of not allowed to do since the one of approved activites was shorter. Some out the things I can no longer do?

1. Sex

2. Move at any speed faster than a walk

3. Have a bath

4. Laundry

5. Anthing that uses effort.

Unless I’m on the way to the doctors I’m not even supposed to go outside without an escort. I’m not even supposed to take showers alone unless its a quick wash one, if I want a longer one ‘C’ has to be home to help me. It’s absolutely infuriating for someone whose always been a go getter and independant. I’m also a bit of a jitter bug. I don’t walk, I dance about normally. It’s driving me crazy to be so sedentary.

I imagine you’re thinking that’s all right? Nope. I have ultrasounds now every 2 weeksish and the one I had right before Christmas showed a 20% slow down in fetal growth. Which is actually quite concerning this late in the ball game especially after getting the steroids. Also, the bleeding started again this past Saturday which caused another visit to the hospital. But they did say the abruption is holding steady, not getting better but not getting worse.

We’ll see how things go on Monday when I see the Dr again. I’m starting to feel that since she’ll be considered full term next week that maybe I should try to talk to her about how  great it would be if she came in the next week or so. Like how her mommy and daddy will be here as well as her aunts and uncles and grandparents. Also how it will be warm and comforting at home and how we’ll take such good care of her. Would also be nice to finally meet the little drama queen after all this time and concern. What does she look like now? Who will she look like? And so on. But I also know the longer she stays put the better for her.